Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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