Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
