the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
