You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
