She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
