I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
