I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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