it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
