I am spending my child support on dildos
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
