i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
