i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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