I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
