y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
