this is something i pride myself on being below average for
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
