Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
