I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
