I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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