he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
