For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
