i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
