dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
