Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
