So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
