and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
