bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
