Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
