So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
