Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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