shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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