I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
