i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
