Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's blow job season.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
