i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
don't judge my taste in strippers
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
