Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
