I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
