Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
