I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
