He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
don't judge my taste in strippers
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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