i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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