Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
