you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
