I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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