yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
