I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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