Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
