I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Soap is not a condiment
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize