My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
