you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
two words...techno handjob
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
