there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
