census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize