No stitches, just platelets and will power
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
