Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize