i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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