So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
