And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
