After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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