So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
