there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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