if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
