but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
