You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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