cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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