Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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